the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
