i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize