I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
