He is such a slut. More and more my type.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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