I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
