Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize