youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
