Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
