whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
