Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
