my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Randomize
