the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
