Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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