I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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