They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
