We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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