Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
