remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
