Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
