Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
