My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
