Pregnant stripper...not hot.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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