I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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