Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
