we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
