Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
