Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
