Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
