I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize