this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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