why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
