I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
