I just gift wrapped bread.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
