she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize