There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
