after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize