I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
