Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
