then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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