Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
