My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
