Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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