If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
