I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
So much Jack, so little girl.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
