Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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