Just cropdusted the office
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Randomize
