I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
