you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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