i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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