We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
