Nicole vs. Life
I CAN MOONWALK!
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
My penis needs a shock collar
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
