I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
don't judge my taste in strippers
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
