So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
