i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
