I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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