i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
