he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
