It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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