Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
