I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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