So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
