I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
