I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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