i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
