i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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