the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
