tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
