im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize