I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
