So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
