She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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