It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
