1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize