My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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