I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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