u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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