we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
