i just wanna soil my oats bro
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Too much gin, very little bucket
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
