My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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