if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
