I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
