I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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