why didn't you poke me back
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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