Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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