Well douche your snatch and let's go!
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
