Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
My legs feel like baby dolphins
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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