halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
