I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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