i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
