Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm too high and old for this...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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