3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
