Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
