Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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