Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
