rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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